I love my boys in an unexplainable manner (that's not my official opinion, that's just a truth)...
But it's hard to concentrate on this when you have to be responsible for so many things all at one time.
Explain:
2 year olds and 4 year olds require A LOT of energy. And a specific kind of energy. Energy to see things from their perspective, play on their level, understand their frustrations. It's a lot of work, takes a lot of time, and requires a lot of focus.
I like to TRY and be acutely aware of what is going on with my kids. Know what they're going through. Be involved as much as I can so I can offer help, show my love, enforce boundaries. Especially when they're dealing with siblings where teaching moments present about every 5 seconds...
THIS boy is about the most beautiful thing i have ever seen...
But now that he's here, my other kids are left to their own devices.Kinda like "Lord of the Flies".
In giving James the attention he requires (and the time that I so desperately want to spend with him), my other kids are left to deal with their world on their own, with their 2 and 4 year old little brains.
This usually means Bryson getting pummeled by Bowen.
So what are my options while I'm sitting there feeding James?
To yell.
That's about the only thing you can do from that position.
But come on! They're toddlers. They don't need to be yelled at.
What they need is distraction, suggestion, time with their momma.
And this makes me feel bad. They're too young... and they need me.
And this is how I formed my official opinion (and why didn't anybody ever tell me this with more vivor?)...
It would be wise to wait to have your 3rd until your littlest is at least 4.
That's my opinion, formed from 2 weeks', hands on experience.
It's not regret. It's "how did I not know this was going to be so hard?"
And now I must to bed for my tank is empty and James will be up in 2.
11 comments:
Just a little tip from someone who's been there... I always kept a pile of things next to me on the couch when I was feeding the baby to throw at the kids to "get their attention"...the items could range from small pillows, slippers, magazines, etc. Just a thought. Also I was of the opinion to get in the kid business and then get out of the kid business. Call me for the details! XOXO A.Cyn
I TOTALLY dropped the ball...I should have warned you with some VIVOR...but in my defense I think you were probably already prego by the time I knew that 4 years was a good gap....however, we do still have some "lord of the flies" reenactments every now and then as well....oh, and I think Landon threw his first fit over not getting something he wanted the other day...um 10 months is WAY too early for that...scarey.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately and have been hoping you've been doing ok! I am SO nervous to have two kids that are 2 years apart, so I can't even imagine what it's like to have 3. The thought that keeps going through my head lately is, wouldn't it be nice if husbands didn't have to work and could stay home and help out all the time? I think it is just so much nicer and things go more smoothly when they're home. Anyway- I really should stop thinking about that because it won't ever happen unless Brett makes millions of dollars on the stock market or something :). We are excited to come see James and your house in September! Hang in there!
Having so many kids so close together has been THEE greatest blessing our parents have ever given us.
The wonderful thing about having your third baby...is that there are already 2. Summation: they have someone to play (and in all boys case, rough-house) with! Built-in friends for life! Now if only we could take a teaspoon of their energy to keep us going every day...
ahhh, marie. i can only relate on a small level, but on that level i totally get where you're coming from. i started baby-sitting a 2 1/2 year old 3 times a week from 8am-1pm. and it seriously just about broke me mentally and physically. and i realized that this is what it's like for "most" mormons. 2 years apart...bing! bing! bing!
it was so hard because i was doing the same thing--breaking up fights while yelling from the other room rocking the baby, then waking her up with my yells.
so what i started doing was reserving tv time for feeding time. i know that seems like a lot of t.v. for your kids right now because you have to feed james so often, but it will change in just a few weeks.
so i would get them all ready with special snacks, a special show, and then tell them that if they were good during the time i was helping the baby, they could have marshmallows. it worked like a charm!
i just started planning ahead. asking them if they needed to go potty before i took the baby in, etc. made things go much smoother.
this will be hard, but your brother was right, once those cute brothers are grown up you will be so happy you had them close!
**but i am still with you, i think the 1st should be at least 4. i'm sticking with my plan!
best of luck, lovely lady. sorry to ramble.
Uh oh Marie...I think you've OFFICIALLY freaked me out. One kid is looking pretty good to me now!
Marie, I have so many memories of this exact situation. With Gordy, I eventually evaporated from stress and he was left with a bottle. Bottles are wonderful because you can prop it in their mouths and leave for a second while you have your "teaching moment".....
On a high note, I LOVE that my children are growing up together. It gets better!
You can DO IT marie!!! I have total faith in you. But may I say that I am so waiting for the 4 year gap on my next one. Conner just turned 4, Eric is 19 months, and that was about how old conner was when I got pregnant with eric. So I have decided that even with them being 2 1/2 years apart, I am waiting on the next one. Which will probably be our last one, so I guess it will be nice to still have a little one around in a few years. Anywho, I know you can do it and I have heard that it is SO nice to have them so close together so they can be best friends. Although my boys usually just fight, but hopefully that gets better too!!
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are a FABULOUS mother and you do it with so much grace, ease and... flair.
Dearest Marie- Oh my heck! We are twins right now! I am having the same issues. Only, I hate to break this to ya, but my kids are 9 and 7 (perfectly old enough and capapble enough) to go about life without me RIGHT there! But guess what!?! It doesn't make the guilt go away AND they still fight and bicker and disobey and "forget" to do what they are asked to do. I have learned that even though my two "old", very responsible, very sweet and very mature boys STILL need their mama (even though I am strapped to the couch/bed with a baby on my boob). I am thinkin', even if your kids WERE four years apart, you would still be feeling this unending ANXIETY at not being able to GIVE of yourself fully and completely. It is so taxing and sooo draining but I think it just comew with the territory. I will say, that I am three months into it now and it has gotten much better. The boys are more used to having a baby around and I am more comfortable with making the baby fit into our lives. Give it some time. I am sure you will see some improvement soon too. Good luck! Call if you need to chat. You can visit my blog too where I have ranted and vented about these frustrations. It makes it easier when you know others are living through it too!
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