Isn't That What January's For?

'TWAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas,and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse
The cookies I'd nibble, the eggnog I'd taste
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist,
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared...
The wine and the rumballs, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to battle the dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter dressed like a man!"
So...away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished.
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD DIET!

Written by Colin and Sandy